The joys of motherhood can often be shadowed by the pain of ruined friendships. Sometimes motherhood has a way of ruining college friendships. The following is a look at when motherhood ruins your college friendships, and what you can do about it.

Why it happens: The first thing you have to address is why it happens. The biggest reason that being a mom can ruin a college friendship is because if you are a mom, and your friends are not, your lives are on different tracks. They are in the career world, or out at clubs, etc. and you are up to your elbows in laundry, dirty diapers, and finding the right preschool. Your interests and priorities in life are suddenly very, very different. You no longer relate on the same level because you are not longer on the same level. Instead of being able to talk for hours on end, you usually end up sitting around with nothing to talk about. Basically, if you are a mom and they are not, or if they are a mom, and you are not, life is different.

How to make the results less painful: Many people feel a great void when they lose their college friends because they now have kids. While their kids bring them fulfillment and joy, it is still hard to not have as many friends, or to lose friendships that were once so strong. So, one of the things you can do to lessen the impact of the blow is to make new friends that are moms as well. You are not going to relate as well to those who are not moms, so if you lose one friend to motherhood, make another because of it. This really helps. Another thing you can do is simply fill the void with your child. You can take mom and me classes, teach them things, or spend time focusing on them that you would have spent going out with friends.

Protecting yourself from friendship loss: While the above suggestions work well, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is simply not to let your college friendships fall victim to motherhood. The following are three tips for helping you maintain college friendships, even after you have children:

1. Have kid-free outings with friends. If you get together with your friends, leave your children at home. Pay for a sitter. While your friends may think your kids are cute, and enjoy a moment or two with them, they are not going to want a shopping trip hauling kids around, or a movie where they are dealing with shushing kids up so they do not bother other movie-goers. So, when you do get together, don’t take your kids unless they ask you to bring them along.

2. Don’t lose your identity to only being “mom”. One reason the friendships get ruined is because you have changed a lot. If you want to keep your friendships up, then don’t lose your identity. Maintain the things that keep you unique. If you are only “mom” then your friends may not want or need your company.

3. Talk about things besides your kids. When you talk on the phone with your friends, when you are out with them, when you run into them at the supermarket, talk about politics, weather, past memories, the latest fashion, etc. DO NOT spend every second talking about the adorable things you kids did and said. It is not nearly as adorable to them, and can actually be obnoxious.

For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com

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The history of surrogate motherhood goes back to biblical times. In fact, some people say it dates back to Sarah and Abraham. Certain people say that it started even before them, and that it is only recorded about Abraham because he was written about in the Bible. In many countries, surrogacy has been around since before records. Many cultures have belief systems that abide with the rules of surrogacy and those that do not agree can be thrown out of their families. Numerous religions and civilizations will actually celebrate the surrogate mothers, for their good deeds and service to others. During the 1980’s surrogate mothers were used by the gay community to build their families, then, it was frowned upon by society.

The American Indians were the first ones to truly begin the surrogate mother history in this part of the world. So we are looking back to the 1899’s for the beginning of this part of the story. If an Indian woman was found to be infertile, then her husband would go to the chief of his tribe and ask for help. He would then be sent to see the medicine man, who would give the wife certain herbal concoctions. Then, after the witch doctor said nothing could be done to help his wife, the husband would go to see the chief. He would be allowed to take another woman and make her pregnant, hopefully, so that he would be able to father a son to carry on his tribe. The barren wife would have no relations with the child. He would stay with his birth mother.

The American Indians were not the only civilization to use surrogate mothers to carry on the family name and bloodline. Back in recent European history it has been heard of, especially in Spain for kings to take in several surrogate mothers until he was born a son. The surrogate mother of the child would then become nanny to all of the royal children. The children would believe themselves to be genetically related to the king and queen. Never knowing the truth. Obviously, things like this were kept secret, because if not, questions would be asked about their right to the throne.

Nowadays, we are lucky that due to technological breakthroughs in this field of science a woman can feel safe in the knowledge that even though another woman is carrying her child, her husband or partner has had no physical relations with the surrogate mother. Such things have, in the past, caused battles and feuds between the people involved and it is quite understandable. The technological solution has saved an awful lot of heartache for many families.

In America, the very first surrogacy agency was opened by a lawyer named Noel Keane back in the late 1970’s to early 1980’s. He went on to create many more agencies that abided by the surrogacy arrangement laws. Since then, there have been more than 30,000 births due to the surrogacy arrangement laws. Society obviously feels that surrogacy is a viable solution to infertile women and gay men. There will always be those who criticise but if they could only look at it from a different angle, they just might see something different and even end up with a different viewpoint.

Ashley Kate is the publisher of Surrogate Motherhood website. The site offers information on becoming a surrogate mother.

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At 36 years old I fell pregnant and that was when my whole life changed. I went from being a successful computer applications specialist , party and dancing girl, to a full time wife, mother, task master, shopper, health nut, trainer, household manager, business owner, cook and baker, just to name a few. Basically, it was motherhood and mothering, and to me, it was tough.

Although happy about my new little one, and determined to be the best mom ever, by the time the first year had passed I felt like I had aged 25 years. Although busy as heck, I was also bored, fatigued, fed up, it seemed like I was never having any fun. I missed the nights of dancing, partying, staying out late and never having to worry about responsibilities at home. I missed the little freedoms that people without kids take for granted – but most of all, I missed myself and who I used to be. The idea that I was responsible for a little life made me stressed out and often times depressed at the thought of doing it all wrong. Nevertheless, I wanted to find a way to laugh everyday like I used to when out with my friends and dancing, as apposed to being a constant task master and constantly advising what to do and what not to do and how to do this or that.

One day, while chatting to a friend, who seemed to have it all together, I got such a shock when she said to me, “I love my kids, but there has to be more to my life then this or I am going to lose my head!” She and I both agreed that the days for us lacked fun and excitement and although we were proud of our developed motherhood skills, and proud of the job we were doing, all the more reason we deserved to have some fun in the midst of everyday mothering.

Then it occurred to me that although grown up fun doesn’t usually mix with kiddie fun, I could still find ways of putting a little craziness into the day that would leave lasting memories for the family, make me laugh, and above all else, feel alive.

Here are some of the crazy, fun, out of the ordinary things I have done with my kids to add laughter, smiles, and memories, and have given me a sense of fun ever day. They also make for great stories to tell friends and family and have added value and life to my journey as a mom.

1. Feeling tired and just want to put your feet up for 5 minutes? How about doing it at the beauty salon? Give your child a brush, hair clips and a mirror and let them do your hair. Most kids love this and it also gives mom a chance to put her feet up and relax for a while.

2. Need your child to relax, not be so hyper and chatty? Give them a baby massage. This massage benefits child and parent. Follow the massage with a cup of herbal baby tea and honey. This also offers your child health benefits and for mom it offers a quiet, calm household for at least a little while. You will love it when afterward your child cuddles close to you and you can smell the essence of the massage oil you used and the atmosphere in the house.

3. At the end of year, take a family photo and choose a theme. Everyone has to dress up to match the theme. Have one nice photo taken and one silly one. Each year when you hang the new photos, you and you kids can laugh and remember things that took place when you took the previous picture. A useful accessory to motherhood is the ability to take captivating, skillful pictures.

4. Want your hubby to know just how hard your job of mothering is? Switch roles! You are sure to come out of it with a big prize when he sees what you have to deal with and how gracefully you do it everyday. Take photographs of him and his facial expressions while he is struggling through the simplest things, or when the kids throw food on him, or when he looks like he can’t stand for another minute. When he puts the kids to bed, take one last photo of him. Print the photos and put them in a special book to show your kids and share with friends – trust me, it’s a real laugh!

5. Barney, Tweeney’s, cartoons? – Blah! Turn your kids on to Bob Marley, Black Eye Peas and Gwen Stefani. Let them move and groove to the music. Give each one a present for doing a dance show for you. Take pictures for you and the kids to laugh at later. You will marvel at your mothering when you see how not only adorable they are but how their little bodies are so uncoordinated and how they move so adorably. You will have a smile on your face for hours and your child is sure to come up with a funny dance move that you can imitate and make them laugh. Not to mention this is great exercise for the kids.

6. Go the movies – no baby sitter necessary! Take your baby to the movies. (Infants love the dark, and loud trailers make them snooze immediately.) Munch on your goodies in peace and enjoy the flick – without the fifty million interruptions!

7. Let them help you escape. Let your kids be the excuse to do the things you want to do, like hopping out for a manicure or pedicure, having an unusually junky meal for dinner, or going to an amusement park. Use your kids as an excuse for not doing things you don’t want to do or don’t feel like doing. Believe me, there are perks to motherhood and you deserve to use them!

8. Every Mother’s Day, have a picture taken with your kids. Store the pictures and the keep sakes from your kids in a nice box (let your kids decorate it and gain some time for yourself in the process). Every year visit the box and see how much your kids have grown and how much their crafts, coloring, writing, and drawing skills have improved.

9. Give your kids quiet time every day. Teach your kids to play independently with books, crayons, blocks, and music. These are just a few healthy ideas. When your children learn to play on their own in frees mom up to get tasks done in a reasonable amount of time, without all the interruptions. It also gives mom an opportunity to have a chat with a friend on the phone, which I am sure you will all agree would be a nice piece of grown up time. It is also very beneficial for your kids.

10. PJ Day is one of my favorites! The kids, well, lets just say they wish everyday was PJ day. Mom and kids hang out in their PJ’s all day. Matching PJ’s are extra fun! Eat your favorite foods and watch your favorite movies. Kids can watch their movies on a laptop while mom watches hers on the TV. Lay out drinks and snacks so they won’t disturb you for these things.

11. Star Gaze the night away. Tent up in your backyard with a radio, s’mores and other great camp out food and drink. Use it as your reading room or to star gaze. Kids can star gaze and play while mom reads in the tent.

12. Do you have a house fairy? No! Well, you had better put one in place as soon as possible. Invent a house fairy, give her a cool name and tell the kids she is always watching them and keeping track of all their good deeds and naughty means.

13. When your child falls asleep at night. Lay next to him and absorb his sweet baby smell and listen to him breath. This experience will relax you, and will add one of the warmest memories to your collection of motherhood.

14. The Laugh Master Game. Have fun, be a kid, be a little crazy and make them laugh. It’s contagious and you will soon all be laughing together. Embrace their laughter, their smiles, their funny faces, and their out of breath flops when they are pooped out from laughing. My little one is pooped out after this and usually falls asleep just after dinner.

Motherhood is a wonderful part of life but requires that we constantly give of ourselves. Learning to find fun and laughter in the things we do and the ability to laugh when we don’t feel like it is a gift worth giving yourself. It makes us all the more better at what we do – for ourselves and our kids.

Michel Jayne (AKA The Parent Fairy) has 22 years parenting experience, with a teenager and preschooler under her wings. She extends an invitation for you to receive Baby sleep help, on the house! So you and your kids can sleep peacefully at night.

Learn how to administer a baby massage, bedroom ideas, and how lack of sleep can affect your baby, toddler or preschooler, and why it is so important that your baby is an independent sleeper by toddler age. Also find Kids Health Wealthy Recipes offering delicious, healthy, fun snacks. Parenting tips and tricks on being a parent and raising kids. http://theparentfairy.blogspot.com/

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