Of all the jobs in the world, nothing is more challenging, or rewarding, than raising a child. Even when an individual has to take on the task alone, single parenting today can provide intense joy and happiness. It can also be the source of frustration, depression and uncertainty. Add to that the fact that people expect imperfect beings to suddenly be able to navigate the extremely complex world of parenting flawlessly and it can come with extreme pressure, especially for singles.

The most important thing to keep in mind, however, is that you are allowed to make mistakes, no matter what the world at large tells you. If you learn from them, you and your children can grow together. You will also educate yourself on how to provide the necessary tools that will enable your child to grow up strong, self sufficient and well balanced.

Playing both Mommy and Daddy

Single parenting today is especially tough when you don’t have contact with the other primary parent. This can be due to a lot of reasons, which include death, divorce and simple disappearance. Whatever the cause, the child may feel as if something is missing, especially when those important holidays roll around and that individual is not there.

One way to combat this is to try to fulfill the needs of the child that the other parent might have filled. It is easier than it sounds. For instance, if you are a mother raising a son alone, uncles and nephews may be on hand to teach the little one sports. A child who is missing a mother can get feminine guidance from a grandmother or aunt. Teachers, mentors and counselors are great resources when it comes to single parenting today as well. All have been known to provide a positive influence for kids.

Planning fun, “family time” activities with your child can also provide bonding experiences that cement feelings of love and trust. This can be important when the child feels the need to talk to you about things that upset them, like the fact the other parent is missing.

Cultivating Emotional Well-being

This leads us to another aspect of single parenting today-letting your child express himself. Sometimes, if the circumstances surrounding the other parent’s absence are painful, the primary provider may not wish to talk about it. Other well-intentioned parents believe that by keeping certain details way from their kids they are protecting them.

Depending on the child’s age, this may or may not be advisable. At any rate, if the child is asking questions, it is good to answer them as best you can. This makes them feel as if they can be open with you and you can develop a relationship with a strong communication foundation.

Single parenting today can be an extremely complex enterprise, but raising kids in any kind of home can be as well. Do not be afraid to seek advice from other parents and give yourself room to err and grow. If you combine this with giving your children plenty of love, attention and care, you will give them all the tools they need to become healthy, socially viable adults.

Pieter West travels the world on a regular basis and have written about numerous subjects. He has an extensive knowledge about, finances, DIY, parenting advice and many more subjects.

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Stepping out on the Parenting journey can initially seem daunting. You find yourself wishing there had been more taught at school on the subject. There is lots of support around, so please don’t be anxious. Below, you’ll find some parenting steps that may help.

1) MAKE TIME for your child. This might sound obvious, but there are often conflicting demands on our time and sometimes it is difficult to prioritise. You may be tempted to find alternative ways to occupy the children such as putting them in front of the TV watching a DVD or playing a computer game. However, there is no substitute for giving them your own time – it costs nothing, but is worth the world to them.

2) BE CONSISTENT in how you parent your child. If your child does something that is wrong, make sure they understand it is wrong and why it is. If they do the same thing again, tell them there will be a consequence eg (sit on the naughty step, go to their room, however you feel you should deal with it). If they still don’t get the message – carry out your threat. Don’t back down! They need to know you mean what you say. They need to trust your word.

3) ALWAYS PRAISE your child when they have achieved, or done something that pleases you. It is far more productive to emphasise the positives in a child’s behaviour than to dwell on the negatives. Giving a child a pat on the back does wonders for their self esteem and helps build their confidence. Think about it, most of us like to be praised if we have done a good job!

4) LOVE YOUR CHILD unconditionally. It’s sometimes really hard to tell them you love them when they have spent the whole day seemingly winding you up. If you’ve had a bad day, the chances are that you have lost your temper a bit with them. Come the end of the day, it’s really important that your child is reassured that you do love them. Tell them that you are unhappy with how they have behaved – and explain why – but that you will always love them.

5) GIVE YOUR CHILD A SENSE OF IDENTITY – an understanding of who they are. It is important for your child to know they have a special place in your family – and extended family. Your child needs to know they are valued and that they belong in a loving family. (This can be even more important if parents are estranged and families are therefore separated.)

Parenting is made simpler by adhering to basic strategies, although it can require a lot of patience at times. Your child needs to feel safe, loved and valued. Yes they will push the boundaries but stick by them, they help them feel secure. As they grow older you and they will hopefully have a very unique and special relationship for many years to come.

Maggie Thorpe has a specific interest in the subject of parenting. More Parenting information can be found at her website http://parentingtrend.com.

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A couple approached me after a recent parenting presentation asking for my thoughts around kids and mealtimes.

It seems they had different approaches.

One parent was focused on food and was concerned with the quantities kids ate. The other was focused more on behaviour and was more concerned with the quality of social interactions that mealtimes offered.

From my perspective, mealtimes are more than a mere pitstop for food. They offer a great opportunity for family members to talk, while bottoms are anchored to chairs. That’s why the TV needs to be turned off during mealtimes.

During our brief chat it seemed that both parents respected the other’s viewpoint, which was fantastic. But they clearly had some differences in their approach to parenting, that may not have been evident before the chat.

Differences in parenting approaches are natural reflecting past parenting experiences, gender differences and experience of children.

Differences are healthy, a sign of independent thinking, and can provide a sense of balance to family life.

BUT different approaches can cause discomfort, stress and anxiety to one or both parents, particularly when communication and empathy levels are down.

In some cases, the differences can lead to inconsistent parenting where there is no agreement on rules and standards of behaviour and inconsistent follow-through when kids behave poorly.

Parents who work together need to know when to compromise, when to keep out of the way and when to present a united front. Knowing when to take each approach takes practice and depends on what the issues are, your parenting styles and your individual values.

The 3 levels of parenting together

Getting on the same page as your partner takes work. It can be done whether you and your partner live together or not.

There are three levels of partnering working together:

Level 1 – Managerial: This is the day-to-day parenting level that focuses on aspects such as standards of behaviour, kids’ health, education and supervision. Usually one parent (mothers mostly) is the primary parent calling the shots, while the other takes a back seat as the secondary parent (dads mostly). The secondary parent usually follows the lead of the primary parent. Level 1 focuses on WHAT needs to be done to raise kids.

Level 2 – Child-rearing: This is a tricky area as it covers approaches to kids’ behaviour, how to build confidence in kids, the processes parents put in place for communication and how kids treat others. My conversation with the young couple I mentioned above was around this level. Level 2 fundamentally concerns itself with HOW kids are raised.

Level 3 – Values and attitudes: This is the BIG picture level. It looks at fundamental things you value such as developing independence, responsibility, tolerance, persistence and respect in kids. These are just a few -there are plenty of values and attitudes to develop. It really helps when partners are on the same wavelength when it comes to the things you value. This level concerns itself with WHY you do the things you do as parents. When you know the WHY then the HOW of parenting becomes easier.

From my experience you can get away with parental differences when kids are young, however it does become a big problem as kids move into adolescence. Some teenagers can become adept at driving a wedge between parents who are on different wavelengths. They generally go to the parent who will give them the answer they require when it comes to the tricky areas such as going out, access to alcohol and relationship issues.

It pays to start the conversation about parenting early on kids’ lives. That’s why I love it when parents come to a parenting seminar together. You both hear the same message, and hopefully, this generates healthy conversations about your kids and parenting. These conversations, generally start off around Level 2 issues (how you do things) but involve Level 3 issues (why you do the things you do).

Conversations at the WHY level are more fundamental, leading to greater understanding of where the other person comes from and the likelihood of presenting a united front to kids. And getting on the same page as your partner is always in the best interests of your kids.

The funny thing is, most parents are so busy talking about Level 1 issues (what you are doing) that they rarely talk meaningfully about Level 3 issues (why you are doing things), which is the absolute guts of what you do unless you purposefully sit down and do so. Parenting education provide the opportunity for getting conversations going that get you and your partner on the same page as parents.

Michael Grose is Australia’s NO. 1 parenting expert. He is the director of ParentingIdeas, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. Get your FREE Chores and Responsibilities for Kids Guide when you visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au. Get a hold of Michael’s sensational new book Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It at http://www.michaelgrose.com. You’ll be astounded when you learn about your birth order personality and how the position in your family impacts on your life!

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